


Hold My Hand, It's A Long Way Down To The Bottom Of The River

by spacetrashpile



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, I Had To, and i havent written a fic in the LONGEST time but i just, especially alanis, idk i just wanted to write about alanis, ive been thinking about the band of boobs and the legendary heroes a LOT recently, seeing herself and her friends in the bob, this is a kinda stream of conciusness thing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:47:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacetrashpile/pseuds/spacetrashpile
Summary: SPOILER WARNING! This has explicit spoilers for up until the Fey Wild arc! If you haven't finished the Fey Wild arc and still read this it is no longer my fault that you've been spoiled.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	Hold My Hand, It's A Long Way Down To The Bottom Of The River

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER WARNING! This has explicit spoilers for up until the Fey Wild arc! If you haven't finished the Fey Wild arc and still read this it is no longer my fault that you've been spoiled.

Alanis sees her friends in them, and oh how she wishes she didn’t. 

Alanis watched Beverly pickup Thiala’s amulet in Moonstone and winced a bit. The cracks were familiar, but the rust was new. She thought briefly about the amulet she still had in a drawer somewhere, from the first time the world ended. She wondered how it looked now. Beverly quickly put the amulet on, and never once took it off. 

At first, Alanis had been worried it would corrupt him somehow. That Thiala had enchanted it, and that she’d use it to hurt him or control him. Instead, Beverly took for himself, used it to heal the way she used to. And then he did more, and he went farther for the people he loves than Thiala ever had, and Alanis breathed a sigh of relief. She trusted Beverly, and she knew she didn’t need to worry about him. That is, until Frostwind. 

Beverly thrives on love and uses that love to keep himself moving, to keep himself fighting. Love for Pelor, love for his family, love for his friends, love for the world. Thiala thrived on that love for Pelor too, until it failed her. And though they don’t know it when Akarot offers him a deal, that love for Pelor is going to fail Beverly. Never completely, never to the extent it failed Thaila (she hopes). But it’s going to fail him. And just for a moment, in Frostwind, Alanis can see the temptation in Beverly’s face. That want, to make sure every single person he’s ever loved is safe. And in that moment, Alanis sees Thiala in him so clearly it’s uncanny. She thinks about the third time the world ended, that fire in Thiala’s eyes when she talked about her new world. And in that moment, she sees that same bright fire in Beverly’s eyes.

Alanis knows Beverly, to an extent. Alanis knows Thiala, has known her for three lifetimes. She thinks she knows where she went wrong with Thiala, and she’ll try her damndest not to go wrong with him.

***  
Hardwon Surefoot. Dwarphan fighter from Irondeep. How could she not see Ulfgar in him? This was a similarity she was less worried about. It was one of the closest ones, on background alone, but if she’s being honest, Ulfgar is still hard to find fault in. Sure, the fault is there, but it’s harder too see what he’s done wrong when Alanis compares it to Thiala. When she compares it to herself. 

When Alanis found out who Hardwon was from Jolene she’d almost laughed. She was excited to meet him, to see if he was like Ulfgar in more ways than he sounded. And he certainly was. Hardwon fights like Ulfgar, in a way. He mirrors the fundamentals of how Ulfgar fights, the liberal use of his axe instead of his shield, rushing in to protect his friends. She sees him fight like that a lot the fourth time the world ends.

Later, Alanis sees the other similarities Hardwon shares with Ulfgar. She watches what happens to him in Frostwind and desperately wishes she could reach out and help him. But she stays back, and watches him from afar on the SS Stormborn. Alanis sees his interactions with Beverly and Moonshine and she can tell there’s more behind what he’s saying. Alanis can see that there’s more pain running underneath his skin than he’ll ever let them see, and this is truly where she sees Ulfgar. Ulfgar always had something else going on in his head, you could see it in his eyes. He was just a bit distanced from almost every moment, but no matter how hard you tried, you’d never be able to find what was going on underneath.

Walls up, indeed.

***  
And then, there is Moonshine. Moonshine Cybin is so separated from the Legendary Heroes at the beginning of her journey that Alanis holds out the most hope for her. Of course Moonshine knows the watered-down story, but Hardwon and Beverly both have heroes where Moonshine doesn’t. But people are not unchanging, and Moonshine grows as she goes on. And as Moonshine evolves, Alanis begins to see a similarity that scares her in a way that none of the others have.

After Marabelle, Moonshine is angry. The way her fungal form manifests after Marabelle is more aggressive and her spores spread quicker. The anger at Asmodeus and at a world that let Marabelle’s fate occur is understandable, but the way it affects Moonshine shakes Alanis to her core. Because it reminds Alanis of herself. 

Alanis started her journey excited, in a way. Excited to save the world, excited to help her people and ensure the safety of the world. She was scared and sad, but deep down, she was excited. By the time she made the wish stones, she was angry, more than anything. She’d seen and caused so much death and destruction that she couldn’t justify it anymore. And even now, Alanis is still angry. Angry at Thiala for taking the heart, angry at Ilsed for taking the crown, and angry at herself for letting it happen.

When Moonshine reached the Fey Wild, she had settled into that anger in a way Alanis never has. She has let it become apart of the way she fights, the way her spores and mushrooms move. Alanis’ anger still boils in her heart, but it has yet to permanently reach her fingers and touch her magic. When Alanis looks at Moonshine’s anger and the way it has shifted into motivation, she at first can’t decide if it’s a good thing. But she lets Moonshine go, and she lets Moonshine change further. And the anger stays, but it changes for the better.

***  
Alanis sees her friends in them, but she also sees something more. She sees a group of people that make mistakes and go back and fix those mistakes when all is said and done.

Alanis sees a boy who knows the world is more than black and white. She sees a boy who knows that Pelor is not always the answer, that sometimes he needs to fill in the slack.

She sees a man who cares so much about his friends it could kill him, and it has. And even though he tries to hide it, his friends know this. They know how much he loves them and what he feels so much better than he thinks they do, and it saves him.

She sees a woman who is driven to change the world. She sees a woman who is driven by her anger, but who is mostly driven by her love. She sees a woman who knows she can change the world, but knows she can’t do it alone.

Alanis has seen the world end five times. And when she looks at Beverly, Hardwon, and Moonshine, she has faith she won’t have to watch it end again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Bottom of the River by Delta Rae. It doesn't really have much to do with the fic that song just gives big Legendary Heroes vibes. Anyways if you want to talk more about naddpod feel free to hit me up on tumblr @/spacetrashpile !


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